Thursday, October 20, 2011

A Lament


LORD

Aid me as You sanctify me
that I may glad of Your face
even as
my sufferings increase.

I wonder at Your ways
I admit they feel harsh
and burdensome at times.

And yet...

this joy that you spark
in my heart at
things nearly below notice

the red, brilliantly dying leaf on the ground
the rosy flush upon the cheeks of my sleeping child
the sound of rain upon awakening.

These scream to me, to my heart's heart
swelling it within
expanding heart
near to splitting

incapable of holding such.

Do I look away
to avoid the rending?
Or swallow that enormity and feel
the heart adjust
to new size
to new pressure?

How large must Your heart be
Father
to hold us all
to hold all Your moments
to hold all Your sorrows
You carry ours too.

I do not mean to doubt You
though I live facing you often with a
confused and hurt expression
longing for answers that allow
me to see suffering
as loving discipline
as careful sanctification
as necessary healing.

Father
I long to draw breath
to pull it down into the depths of me
and send it back out
fully and smoothly
without
wheezing
rattling
coughing
pain.

You see me.

You see this.

You are still good.

Sanctify me
and
aid me to see.

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