Leather-Bound Journey

To My Most Amiable Readers;

What an odd thing it is to dip your mind right back into memories, emotions long past. I've been skimming through my dear journal. It's content is mainly imported; scripture verses, quotes from the famous and the familiar, songs, and recipes. Between these, scribbled-in with a fervent tilt, lay my writings, be they rants, be they raves, be they poems half-finished. As I read these I was astonished by the clarity with which I could plunge again into the very chair, into the very room or lakeside or rock edge, into the very mentality of when and where I put down my words long ago. I was there again, emotions surging again, pain or joy rocking me in turn.

Excerpts:

Argentina, April 18, 2006: "Would that I could run unheeded down steep trails cloaked in dark foliage, slapping wet leaves, pacing faster. On a small clearing to gather new breath and turn, running on hidden trails. Faster and faster, hearing water flowing. Seeing jewels through the mass of trunks and branches, cutting right to meet their brilliant rays. Ah, stream full of sun, I meet, I greet you. Happy feet slap you as I run, up to know your secrets, your falls, your pools. How peaceful you are and what a torrent am I. If you were as I am, I would be as you are. I must have some turbulence, in me or not...."

October 1, 2004: "Today we found out that Mom has breast cancer. We don't know what to do so we hold her a lot and we cling to hope. Cancer...even the name leaves you cold inside..."

November 1, 2003: "November is here and the day is unseasonably warm and sunny. The short days make the sunlight a coveted pleasure. Today we raised our noses to the reality of Autumn and stole back a few hours of summer. I laid Sophie in the thick green grass, naked and content, and subtly dared winter to show its frosty face..."

March 2006: "I want to be where You are! I want to please You and bring You joy!! Bind me to your side! I fear this mortal coil that can bring immortal death..."


As I read, it became clear to me the value of recording our history. In a way, it redeems the past; it makes us remember what God taught us, and how He brought us through despite our waywardness. By looking through our words to the heart of who we were, we can see the measured steps of growth and grace in our lives, or even perhaps, be shocked at our current state in light of more joyful, close times with the Lord.

As we read in the Old Testament, we find few characters who don't in some way let us down. David, a "man after God's own heart" robs another man's wife and orders his death. Samson, a man set apart from birth to serve God frequents prostitutes. We make an error if we read the Bible looking for "morality plays"...looking in vain for clean-cut models of beliefs we hold dear. So why read this twisted history? Not to look to be like Rebekah, or not like Rebekah. We read to discover the history between God and man; not to focus on the imperfect, stumbling, boorishness which pock-mark our living story, but on how it illuminates God's character. In knowing how we have been, we see how God has been in contrast. Our darkness, His light, our faithlessness, His enduring love and patience, our fickleness, His unchanging righteousness.

I look back on my story, the good, the bad, the ugly; and the beautiful thing is, I see redemption. God is redeeming me, redeeming my history, making my life a stone in His temple, something beautiful, and intregal to the kingdom.

Your Devoted,
Sarah

"He knows us inside and out, keeps in mind that we're made of mud." -Psalm 103:14

"Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you." -Jeremiah 31:3